I Knew There Was A Reason I Had Kids

I think anyone who has a kid(s) will agree, they’re a lot of work.  They’ll definitely change your life. You have less free time, you can no longer do some things you used to do, they’re expensive, they get sick, they cry, fight, whine, complain, and throw fits.  So why then do we bother?  There’s nothing forcing us to.  We could live our entire lives without having kids and we wouldn’t get in trouble for it.  I have some friends around my age who are married without kids and they ask if all those horrible things you hear about having kids is true.  I say, “Yes, every bit of it.  But do it anyway.”  There are certain things that come out of it that make all of the hard work, sacrifice, aggravation, and suffering worth it.  Today was one of those days.

I went to go out and cut the lawn and Dominic saw what I was doing.  He immediately ran in the house and got his lawnmower and joined me outside.  He cut the lawn with me, fixated on what I was doing, copying me as best he could.  If I cut up and down, he cut up and down.  If I cut side to side, he turned to cut side to side.  If I’d push, he’d push.  I pull, he pulls.  He even parked his on the patio next to mine afterwards.  I can’t even put into words that feeling.  To have someone want to learn and be just like you.  It is truly amazing.  They will make you madder than you’ve ever been in your life, but in an instant, that no longer matters.

Top 10 Reasons People Love Top 10 Lists

One of my favorite parts of the Late Show with David Letterman was the Top 10 Lists.  My cousin, Rob, had a paperback of some of the best ones and we used to laugh our asses off reading some of them.  I’ll never forget some of those, such as 2 of the Top 10 Crayola Colors that Didn’t Make It: Shecky Greene and Okra Winfrey.  Even just the titles of some were funny.  Top 10 Ways the World Would Be Different If Everyone’s Name Was Phil: Instead of exclaiming, “Watch where you’re going, you stupid bastard!” angry New Yorkers would say, “Watch where you’re going, Phil, you stupid bastard!”  I’m a little surprised no one has thought to make a list like this yet, at least not that I could find on the Internet (and everything is in the Internet, believe me, if you can find nude photos of Anne Hathaway on the Internet, there’s nothing that’s not out there).  It seemed like the obvious evolution to me.  Well, hopefully, I’ll be the first.  So, without further adieu…

   10. Concise list.

   9. Central theme.

   8. Small time investment.

   7. Ordered to build interest.

   6. Frequently humorous.

   5. Can provide interesting trivia.

   4. Relatable to a broad audience.

   3. OCD-friendly.

   2. As long as #2 is good, you don’t feel so bad if #1 totally sucks.

   1. Who doesn’t love counting backwards?  It’s like being on a rocket ship.

Going Retro

As I’m driving to work this morning, I see 2 new Dodge Darts on I-95.  It gets me thinking.  Now, let me just say right off the bat, I know I’m a little biased in this race, being a widely known Mustang fanatic, but I’ll try to be as objective as I can.  First off, I don’t know how Dodge gets away with calling it a Dart.  Of course, I said the same thing about the Charger.  The Dart looks to me like Dodge’s Pontiac G5 with that same tired Dodge formula applied to it.  (Don’t think you’re out of the dark, Pontiac.  What about that GTO?)  The Charger is the Magnum with a trunk and the Chrysler 300 with a different grill.  Not very original.  And certainly nothing like the Chargers of old.  If you painted one orange, put a big 01 on the doors and a dixie flag on the roof, it’d look utterly ridiculous.  Other makers had varying success.  The Chevy Malibu and Impala are laughable, but the Volkswagen Beetle and Mini Cooper were pretty respectable.

I’ll give you, not even Ford is perfect.  In 1994, when Ford released the new body style, claiming it was like the original, showing them side-by-side in the commercials, I thought they were full of shit.  While I don’t think it was a bad looking car (I hear those ’97 Cobras are pretty nice), I wouldn’t call it a throwback to the original.  However, in 2005, they freaking nailed it.  Not only was it a beautiful car, but every bit a throwback to the 1968 fastback it pays homage to.  It is still a strong line today, staying fresh while keeping true to its roots.

Dodge and Chevy have proved they can do it, though.  They have what it takes.  The Challenger and Camaro, respectively, are living proof.  In fact, if I had to pick another car besides a Mustang, it’d be a Challenger (which WOULD make a damn fine General Lee, despite being the wrong model).

In my mind, there are three criteria for bringing any vintage car model back from the grave (pay attention Firebird, your day will come).  First, it has to be a model that people cared about when it was in its heyday.  You could remake a Pacer, but would you get very excited about that?  I don’t think I would.  Second, the modern styling should compliment the original design, not fight for the spotlight.  And third, most important of all, it must be faithful to the original look and feel.  You should FEEL like you’re looking at the original, but KNOW it’s something new.

There are plenty of models ripe for the picking.  The aforementioned Firebird, as well as the Plymouth Barracuda, Plymouth Road Runner, Chevrolet Nova, and one of my personal favorites, the Chevrolet Chevelle SS, based on the 1972 model.  Classic gas.

Flying High

I love flying.  It’s one of the most unique experiences we, as humans, encounter.  Both from a nature perspective as well as a social one.  It’s probably the only other experience that involves being around a lot of strangers that I don’t mind, along with being in a crowded mall at Christmas time (another blog, perhaps).  As I write this, I’m traveling at over 500 mph, 25,000 feet in the air, something humans were only designed to do by an elevated mental capacity which grants them the ability to conjure up devices that let them do so.  But socially, taking a plane has it’s own set of “rules,” such as ticketing, baggage, terminals and gates, and the whole on-plane pull-up-on-the-buckle, the-nearest-exit-row-may-be-behind-you routine.  Some people think I’m crazy (especially with all the hoops you have to jump through with the TSA), but I like to dress nice when I travel.  I’m not really sure why, it just makes the experience more enjoyable.

I’m completely fine with all the security measures that go on these days.  Hey, if taking my shoes off keeps some nut job from blowing up my plane, then so be it.  I understand the need for these measures, but am not naïve enough to think that it’s going to prevent someone from getting something on board that shouldn’t be there.  It’s an observable system, open to the public, used as often as you’re willing to pay for it.  Holes can be found.  But overall, it’s safer than any other means of transportation.  Don’t take my word for it.  Just listen to Superman.  “I hope this hasn’t put you off flying.  Statistically speaking, it’s still the safest way to travel.”  And if you can’t trust Superman, who can you trust?

There is one thing about the increased security I don’t like: ticketed passengers only.  One thing I really miss about flying is when you arrive from a long trip, that feeling you get when you come out of the gate and your loved ones are there waiting for you with open arms.  It’s really nice.  Somehow, “I’ll meet you in the car outside of the baggage claim” doesn’t quite cut it.

Though, I must say, probably my favorite thing about flying is takeoff.  It’s the fastest I ever get to go in a vehicle without having to worry about getting pulled over.  And what better way to cap off hurdling across the ground at ludicrous speed than to suddenly lift off into the air!  I appreciate the human accomplishment of flight the same way I appreciate submarines and space travel.  It’s people conquering any medium of travel.  That spirit that we are unencumbered and can go anywhere we set our minds to.  Well, see you on the ground.

Christmas’ Bad Rap

Christmas gets a bad rap these days for “over commercialization,” but I propose a counter argument.  After all, we do live in a capitalist society and buying stimulates the economy, which is good for everyone.  But apart from that, look at the family aspect.

First, do you really think in this day and age we are going to have time to sit down and whittle or knit gifts for everyone we know?  The thing with buying a gift is it makes you think of that person.  You have to consider their life, tastes, situation, etc., so there is thought in it.  Second, it gets people together, if for nothing else, to exchange gifts.  Holiday shopping is one thing that unites us as humans that we have in common.

Many people dread going to the mall around Christmas time. Personally, I love it.  The classic christmas music, decorations, people in from the cold and the bustling about feels like the holidays.  You see people as people, all on the same level.

If you’re fed up with all of the gifts and shopping of the holiday season, imagine how much it would suck if they weren’t there.  You’d pretty much look at some lights and have a nice dinner with your family and that’d be it.  So try to have fun this Christmas season…and enjoy your present.

Thursday Night Dinner

On (most) Thursday nights, I have class until 8pm, so it stands to reason that I need to get dinner before going.  Since I pick up dinner at 3:30pm and eat between 5 & 6pm, it needs to be something that will keep awhile.  Think less McDonald’s and Wendy’s, and more Subway and Chipotle.  Due to my affinity for Chipotle, that one always seems to win out.

Every week I offer everyone in the class (including the instructors) to pick up dinner for them there.  People always ask how much and I tell them it typically runs $6.25.  People often ask why I don’t ask for a little more for the trouble, or why I do it.  The short answer: community.

It doesn’t take me any longer to pick it up (I order online) and I’m going anyway.  Something about the sense of community I find really appealing.  I guess it’s the atmosphere of people “gathering around the table” as a group.  Maybe my submariner background of those you work with, you commune with.  Call me old-fashioned, but in today’s hustle and bustle, I think we could all use a little fraternity.

Top 10 reasons why an iPad is a great Christmas gift for your kid

I think people think I’m strange when I tell them I’m getting my 5-year-old and iPad (mini) for Christmas.  I think this may clear some things up.  First off, typically people get their kids a mountain of toys for Christmas, which is a chore to shop for as well as wrap, and ends up costing $300 anyway.  Frankly, we don’t have the space for more toys, and the ones they do have, they seem to have a real problem putting them away.  So let’s take a quick tally: easy shopping, easy wrapping, takes up little space and requires minimum cleanup.  So we’re up to 4.

Any kid likes an iPad, so no disappointment.  It’s great in the car, that 10 hour battery life is worth its weight in gold during long car trips.  Anybody over about 1 year old can operate it.  5, 6 and 7.

They are surprisingly robust.  Our original iPad has been dropped more than once and still works great.  They are educational.  If you don’t believe that, I defer you to a 5-year-old who knew her alphabet before Kindergarten and a 2-year-old that can count to 20!  That’s 8 & 9…

…And 10: while they’re watching cartoons/playing games/learning/drawing/whatever, they’re not fighting, yelling, making a mess, calling China on the telephone, playing in traffic, running with scissors, chewing with their mouth open, or sticking things in electrical sockets.

A place to spew all of my crap

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